So Rick Santorum has this campaign for re-election going on, and it ain't going too well. Maybe -- call me crazy -- that has something to do with his habit of running away from spectators in undersized gorilla suits.
Lemme explain. So Americans United for Change (AUFC) -- the people who helped to bring you the smackdown on the Big Bush Social Security Privatization Campaign of 2005™ -- says it's time for payback for all the people who tried to rip off our senior citizens last year. The form of the payback: a giant inflatable gorilla ... chasing the big privatizers down wherever they go.
First up for the treatment: our boy Ricky.
Thing is, he doesn't like it so much. You see, his shot at winning depends on covering up his privates -- sorry, his privatization fetish -- long enough to sneak back into office. Having Grandpa Gorilla (that's what we call the big mug) chasing him down the campaign trail might put a kink in that strategy.
So brave sir Rick made an executive decision to bravely run away -- and, well, I'll let the AUFC email fill you in on the rest:
Unfortunately, Santorum was so determined to dodge the issue that Grandpa Gorilla, who isn't as mobile as he used to be (and requires deflation in order to move effectively), couldn't keep up. So Grandpa Gorilla manned the Americans United table -- where Pennsylvania voters could get the full story on Rick Santorum's privatization fantasies. But hot on Santorum's trail was his more-mobile kin, Grandson Gorilla, to chase down the Senator. (Remember, it's not just seniors who want to protect Social Security -- young people have their retirement security at stake, too.)
Harassed by Santorum staffers, Grandson Gorilla just wanted Rick to answer one simple question: "Why are you running away?"
We've got video from the fair -- you can watch the play-by-play for yourself:
But here's the 800-pound gorilla in the room, Rick: you fought for privatization. You toured Pennsylvania with Bush to make the big sales pitch. You even said: "I'm going to work this very hard because I think there's a lot at stake for future generations." So now that it hasn't worked out, why all the fear about standing by your man?
No matter — 'cause as long as this campaign lasts, you're still gonna be standing by our gorilla. Hope you enjoy having the company. [And in case you decide to make friends: these days Grandpa likes his campaigning hard, but his bananas soft. Just FYI.]